Sitting here staring at the screen not really knowing where to start or what to say but kind of feeling like I should start with I’m sorry, sorry for going M.I.A for what feels like forever, it’s been a while to say the least hasn’t it guys?
How is everyone?, What’s new? What’s been happening? I can’t actually believe it’s been over 3 years since I last published a post, where does the time go? I’ve missed you guys and this lovely little community so much, I’ve sat here numerous times and tried to write a post but I always ended up deleting it. I kind of feel like I should explain myself and say why I’ve been missing for so long but truth is I don’t really know where to start and so much to say so I’m going to do a specific post on that later on this week.
So anyway you lovely bunch this is just a quick post to say Hi, hey, hello and wanted to let you lot know that I’m hopefully back for good with lots of good disability, mental health and lifestyle posts coming up. Please let me know how you guys have been in the comments below, it’d be amazing to have a catch up! 🙂
If you guys follow me on my social media platforms then you’ll know that last week and in fact this year so far has been the best of my life, I’ve not only learned so much about myself but also a lot about other people and the world around me. I’ve been incredibly blessed to have had so many amazing opportunities already in 2016, that are getting me ever so closer to my dreams of making a difference in this world.
One thing that has shone through since this whole experience started and has been lovely to hear from a personal point of view, is the huge amount of people saying how confident I am.Now for me and my family that is such a crazy thing to hear because anybody who knows me well, will tell you how confidence is something I’ve struggled with my whole life. Confidence or lack of it played a massive part in my life growing up from school to my home life, my lack of confidence influenced it all. I was always convinced that confidence must be something you’re either born with or you aren’t. My parents always used to say ‘Just keep believing and it’ll improve’ but it always seemed like no matter how much I tried to ‘act’ confident I’d end up being a nervous wreck and have to leave whatever I was doing, it honestly became so bad and really began to affect my social life, at one point I just didn’t leave the house for weeks at a time for fear of someone talking too me.
Over time though my confidence has definitely improved so much so in fact that this week I did a live interview on my local ITV News, talking about my Fixers film. If someone would’ve said to my 15 year old self that I’d be giving an interview on Tv then I would’ve never believed them but I’ve been trying hard lately to step out of my comfort zone and do more things that scare me, in order to increase my confidence. I found a quote today that I think summed up confidence perfectly ‘Confidence is like a muscle : The more you use it, The stronger it gets!’
That’s why I’m writing this post for all the people out there who like me do or have struggled with confidence, I know at times it feels like it won’t improve but I want to give you all hope and let you know that none of us are born with bags of confidence I’m sure even big stars like Beyonce have or still do suffer with confidence issues but one thing I’ve honestly learned is that it can and will get better. Just keep trying, keep stepping out of your comfort zone, pushing yourself and you’ll soon see a confidence shine through in you that you never thought possible..YOU are capable of amazing things, just believe in yourself! ❤
You guys should know me well enough by now to know that I’m probably with no exaggeration the worst worrier known to man, seriously I worry/over think every possible situation weather it be something small and superficial like weather my make up will go well for a night out or bigger life events e.g where I’ll be in five years from now.
I can always remember at school I was forever getting myself in a state because I’d say yes to a trip, a presentation or some sort of speech and then end up spending night after sleepless night talking myself out of it and saying no at the very last minute. Teachers and people at school used to get so mad at me because at times it came across like I was just being a let down or trying to be difficult when really it was all just down to me being so nervous and worried that I’d mess up.
I always hate feeling like I’ve let myself and others down so this was like a vicious circle for me, on one hand I couldn’t go through with things as I’d make myself sick with worry but on the other hand missing out on valuable experiences while letting others down made me just as sick. One experience that always still to this day sticks in my head is when I was about 16 I got offered the opportunity to go to Canada for two weeks to represent my school in a schools council forum, I know it sounds crazy who else would turn down the chance to go to Canada with everything paid for right? but at time the time I hated being away from home and I’d told myself I wasn’t good enough to go.
I’d love to say that as I got older and left school it got better but sadly it never, I’ve lost count of the amount of amazing experiences and things that could’ve furthered my dreams I’ve said no to or missed out on all because I was too scared to pursue them. It’s only in the last year though that I’m honestly beginning to realise that if I keep letting fear and anxiety control me then I might miss out on some of the most amazing days and times of my life, I’d absolutely love to travel more and I kick myself everyday that I didn’t take the chance to visit Canada which is the main reason I’m writing this post.I don’t want you guys too look back on your life at missed opportunities with regret because yes life can be scary and we all have fears but we should never let them fears control our lives and how amazing they can be! so from now on I’m going to go out there (even if I am filled with anxiety) and grab life with both hands and you guys should too because life is for living! ❤
As I’ve mentioned in previous posts I’ve struggled with pain and hip dysplasia since I was about 14/15 with little to no relief from painkillers, it wasn’t until early last year after a fall that I decided enough was enough. I went to my doctors who sent me for an x -ray as they were concerned that I’d do myself more of an injury due to the fall, thankfully I hadn’t done any further damage but they did find that my hip dysplasia had gotten worse as the bone had worn down more over the years.
After my initial x ray I was given an appointment to see a hip specialist which I was very nervous/apprehensive about, from this appointment I was then offered Cortisone steroid injections which you’ll know from previous posts worked absolute wonders for about 4/6 weeks. I was absolutely gutted that the injections hadn’t worked for a longer period and I was now back to square one but I was hopeful that at my next appointment they may be able to offer me something more long lasting.
Today 3rd February was the day of my follow up appointment and all that comes to mind is wow!! firstly I’ll start by explaining that just over 4 months ago when I last saw my specialist, I was told that surgery wouldn’t be an option they were even prepared to discuss for many years too come due to how much would be needed to rebuild my pelvis/hip. As much as I hate being in pain it was a relief to be told that surgery was such a long way off because as with many people I hate hospitals and even the thought of another surgery brings me out in major panic. So if I’m honest today’s appointment wasn’t something I’d been too worried over as I’d sort of convinced myself I’d just be offered some other forms of pain relief.
I couldn’t of been more wrong about the outcome of today, after waiting to be seen I was told by a nurse that my specialist wanted to know did I want a hip replacement, I was just like ‘wow what?’ It was such shock after not expecting surgery to suddenly be told that surgery was now my only option. If being told that having surgery was my only option wasn’t bad enough it then got worse when they proceeded to tell me that unlike most hip replacements due to my disability and the condition that my hip/pelvis is in that it’ll be a much more complex operation than usual, with a seemingly never ending list of possible complications.
Looking back now the whole appointment seems like a blur and I’ve got 101 worries running through my head and about a million more questions than I even got chance to ask during my short time with the specialist. They’ve given me an eight week period to think about it and then get my name on the waiting list but from what I’ve read in the booklets they gave me, I don’t think I’ll be getting the operation due to the high risks of certain things that could go wrong. I feel so frustrated and sad that after all these years it’s boiled down to either risk things being worse or spend my life learning to live with the pain.
Have any of you guys ever had a hip replacement or been offered one? If not how do you manage your pain? Any suggestions or advice would be amazing!
The title of this post is probably slightly misleading as it says positivity only, I don’t realistically for one minute think that any of us can go through life and be 100% sunshine and rainbows. We live in such a face paced world nowadays that it’s so easy to get dragged down by the daily grind of things, weather that be smaller issues like having a bad hair/make up day, getting up late or bigger things e.g work, bills or family struggles having a bad day from time to time is inevitable.
The truth is though that no matter how many struggles life throws at us and how hard it gets, only you are in control of your own happiness. Everyday when we wake up we have a choice weather to see the positives or focus on our problems and be negative, there is a quote that I love and it goes ‘Positive mind, Positive vibes, Positive life!’. Both good or bad vibes are infectious and I don’t know about you guys but I’d rather radiate and spread love and good vibes than be a negative person.
You guys will know from previous posts that I have suffered from depression for a huge part of my life so I completely understand that it’s not always easy but recently I’ve been trying to live by this quote. There are so many beautiful in this world that we so often overlook weather that be how beautiful the sunset is, how cute your baby niece/nephew are when they smile or how pretty the scenery around us is . I’ve truly began to realise now that you can’t live a positive and happy life if you keep being focused on the negatives or surround yourself with negative people. So if you have people around you who thrive off negativity you should lose them, if you see something you don’t like online just keep scrolling and when you wake up every morning promise yourself that you will try to see the beautiful positivity in that day.
You’re all beautiful, special and talented people who deserve the most positive, happy and amazing life so go out and spread that positivity wherever possible because life is too short to be negative or hurtful.
Any of you guys who follow me on any of my social media will know how much I love a ‘selfie’ almost every other picture on my Instagram or Facebook is a posing picture of myself. Sadly though it seems that there are certain people that have to pass judgement or leave a ‘Bitchy’ comment on absolutely everything, I get told on a regular basis that “I’m so vain” or “Wow you love yourself”. Now I can’t lie there was a time that if someone would make a nasty comment about my pictures then I’d take them down or get really upset but as time passes it really doesn’t faze me.
I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m not the kind of girl who does my make up/hair everyday, most days I can be found slobbing around in my pj’s looking like an absolute mess. On the days when I do wear make up or make an effort then like I’m sure a lot of people do I take about 1000 ‘selfies’ and plaster them everywhere I possibly can. So last week when I was filming with Fixers and I thought I looked pretty, I uploaded a picture and shortly after I received such a lovely message via Facebook that said ‘Oh my god you love yourself don’t you? Just stop!’
If this would of happened a year or so back then I would’ve felt horrible and automatically felt the need to blindly defend myself but this time my reply was ‘Yes I do, thank you!’ because the thing these people who throw comment don’t realise is, like a lot of people I’ve spent a huge chunk of my life wishing I could change myself weather that be my disability, my scars or my stretch marks, now though after years of disliking myself I genuinely do love myself not in a I’m better than anyone else or I’m Liverpool’s best looking women kind of way but I honestly am learning to love who I am, my flaws and everything I stand for and why shouldn’t I, Why shouldn’t we all?
It’s actually so sad that we live in a world where people seem to try and make themselves feel better by being hurtful towards others and can’t stand it when they see someone who’s confident or happy. why are we made to feel bad because we’re happy with ourselves? We seem to be told at every turn how we should look or act weather that be lose weight, gain weight, change your hair, cover your scars or stretch marks but why is it seen as so bad to just love who we are? flaws and all. We should love every last bit of ourselves no matter what shape or size we are, no matter how many scars or stretch marks we have. Learning to love yourself both inside and out is a beautiful thing so the next time you think you look fierce and you want to upload 900 ‘selfies’ then do it you gorgeous people, do it with pride because you’re beautiful both inside and out! ❤
In December you’ll of seen I posted about my experience with hip dyslasia and how after years of hospital appointments and pain, I’d just recently had my first course of Cortisone injections on 18th November 2015. After the procedure I had quite a bit of pain/discomfort which the hospital had warned me about but within about a week the constant pain I’d grown so used to had completely gone. I honestly can’t put into words how good that felt, you’re body gets so used to feeling pain that you completely forget what it’s like to wake up pain free.
Three weeks seemed to fly by and I genuinely felt like I’d be given a brand new leg, I thought I’d finally found something that truly worked and as time passed I was overjoyed to finally be able to get back into a regular routine at the gym, I could see friends again I know it probably sounds crazy that it’d stopped me seeing friends but being in daily pain really had started to take it’s toll on every aspect of my life.
So everything was going great until about a week before Christmas when I first began to notice the clicking again when moving my hip, I didn’t think much of it and just assumed it was because of the increase in cold weather but with the more time that passed I noticed the niggling pain start to come back when walking. I was absolutely gutted at the thought of being back in pain as the last few weeks had been so nice and I finally felt like I had some control over my daily activities again.
We’re almost at the end of January and sadly my pain with my left hip has well and truly reared it’s ugly head again, it’s horrible to back to square one again after a lovely few pain free weeks but thankfully I will be seeing my specialist again in February and I’ve got everything crossed that he’ll be able to offer me something that’s more long lasting.
Have any of you guys ever tried Cortisone and did they work for you? If not how did you deal with the pain?
Well firstly happy Monday guys and I hope you’re all having a fabulous January! How fast is this first month of 2016 going? The quote that today’s Motivational Monday post is based on is one I’ve seen a million and one times and also a famous Disney quote and who doesn’t love a bit of Disney? I’ve always loved this quote but with everything that’s happened this week, I feel like my dreams a getting ever so closer so I thought not why not use this beautiful quote while inspiring you guys to believe that your dreams can become a reality too!
Everyone has someone they look up too and admire weather that be a celebrity, a family member, an artist or even a friend. We fail to remember sometimes though that these really inspirational or famous people that we look up to so much, were once just sat at home one day just like you dreaming/thinking about everything they now have. This quote ‘If you can dream it, you can do it! Always remember that this whole thing was started with a dream and amouse‘ is a prime example written by one of the most well known people in the world who once had nothing but a dream, Mr Walt Disney!
I don’t think i’ve ever know anyone who doesn’t know all about Walt Disney and how successful it is around the world but once Walter was just like you, sitting at home just like you are now with all his dreams of writing/making cartoons spinning around in his head, hoping one day to make a name for himself. So who says you can’t be the next Walt Disney? Ok so maybe you don’t want to write cartoons but who says you can’t be a writer, an actress, a teacher or a model?
The truth is that no matter who you are, nothing and nobody can stop you from working hard and achieving every single dream. YOU can achieve and become everything you ever thought possible! So the next time you’re sat there daydreaming just remember it is possible because if YOU can dream it, YOU can do it!
Everybody who knows me will tell you how passionate and determined I am about changing people’s perceptions of disability, that is a huge part of the reason I started this blog, I’ve come across so many people who seem to have such a preconceived idea of what a person with a disability is like or how they live there lives. So with that being said I’m always trying to think of new ways to challenge how people treat and act around someone with a disability, in July 2015 I was just looking around online when I stumbled across the Fixers UK website. If you haven’t heard of Fixers they’re an organisation that helps young people age 16 – 25 campaign around an issue they’re passionate about using a number of different ways e.g short film, poster, campaign or an event/workshop. After looking through the website and seeing some of the campaigns other young people had made, I decided to give it a go and sent an email expressing my interest in becoming a Fixer. You can find out more about Fixers and also view my Fixers profile here.
I’ve contacted numerous charities/organisations and heard nothing back so I was pleasantly surprised when I received an email from Fixers saying they would like to arrange an initial meet up with one of their team to discuss my ideas. On August 7th 2015 I had my first initial meeting with a Fixers Co ordinator (Mariam) which was great, I spent about an hour speaking to Mariam about my life with a disability, the times I’ve faced discrimination and why I wanted to make a change. It was lovely to speak to someone who truly listened and really wanted to help me make positive changes, I remember going home after that meeting and feeling happier and more determined to make positive changes than ever! Me and Mariam emailed back and forth about my ideas until my project was assigned to a producer who could help me develop my ideas into a resource.
On 2nd October 2015 the day had finally arrived for me to meet again with Mariam and also a Fixers producer (Abi) to discuss all my ideas and get the ball rolling on producing a resource. The meeting was amazing yet again I’d never met Abi before so I spent time with her discussing my disability and why making a change was so important, we then chatted about what kind of resource I wanted to make. After reading through and discussing my blog we decided that making my blog post ‘The do’s and don’t of disability’ into a short film would be a great way of getting my point out there and hopefully help non disabled people end any awkwardness they might have around someone with a disability. Anybody who has ever met with me will tell you that I use humour quite a lot in my approach to my disability so I decided that using humour in my film was best suited to my personalty and everybody loves a bit of humour right? Abi wrote down all my ramblings/ideas to take away with her and put together into some sort of script for my film.
After about 2/3 weeks I received the script for the film from Abi and absolutely loved it! It was everything I’d wanted it pointed out some of the experience using humour but while still getting an important message across. I emailed Abi/Mariam telling them how happy I was with the script and we arranged a day for filming. I was beyond excited at everything that was happening, I never would of thought a few years ago that I would ever be happy and confident enough in my own skin to be making a short film.
On 6th November the day had finally arrived for us to film and to say I was excited would be an absolute understatement! We were due to film a few scenes outside around Liverpool city centre but English weather meant that we had to film inside at Liverpool University. I was so nervous about being in front of the camera at first but after a few minutes my nerves went and I just couldn’t wait to film more scenes. I won’t say to much about the scenes as you can see the film for yourself below, filming was everything I’d wished it with be it was such a lovely day filled with laughter, jokes and amazing people!
I hope you all enjoyed the film and if you did can you please share it so we can get it out there! It’s so crazy for me to think back and look at how much things have changed for me, I feel so blessed to have experienced the things that I have within 2015. I want to take this chance to thank every single person who has helped me during this experience, you’ve all helped me so much and this amazing opportunity for me to get my voice heard would not of been possible without any of you! ❤
Hey guys, you’ll know from previous posts and if you follow me on other social media platforms that I absolutely love a quote! I’m all about positivity and try to motive people whenever I can so with that being said I’ve decided that I’m going to start my ‘Motivational Monday’ posts again.
So my first Motivational Monday post of this year will be one of loveliest quotes I read in 2015 ‘The ones who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones that do!’ I found this quote on one of the most positive days I’ve had in ages (I’ll explain more in my next post) this quote really made me smile! Growing up whenever I was asked what I wanted to do my answer would be ‘I just want to help people’. I know that to some people this probably sounds cheesy but it’s something that I truly mean’t. I’m the type of person that no matter what I’ve always said money and materialistic things wouldn’t make me happy but if I could look back at my life at the age of 80 and say I made even a small difference to the world then I’d be truly happy.
I can’t lie and say I’ve always been a super positive person because I definitely haven’t, when I was younger and people would laugh when I’d say “I want to change the world” I began to believe that they were right because I mean how could little me change the world? The older I get though the more I’m beginning to realise that everything happens for a reason and even the hardest of situations/life struggles can be turned into positives, which is a huge part of the reason why I started this blog. I wanted to turn my journey with Cerebral Palsy and depression into a positive by helping others and inspiring them to go out and chase their dreams whatever they might face in life.
Over the last few years since starting seemenotcp and speaking with lots of other amazing people in the blogging community I’ve realised that my once crazy thought of changing the world and changing lives can become a reality, not only for me but for you guys too!
So guys please believe me when I say no matter who you are or what life struggles you’ve faced. YOU can make a difference and YOU can change the world! Don’t let anybody ever make you feel like you can’t achieve incredible things in life! ❤
Sitting here staring at the screen not really knowing where to start or what to say but kind of feeling like I should start with I’m sorry, sorry for going M.I.A for what feels like forever, it’s been a while to say the least hasn’t it guys?
SeeMeNotCp 