15 lessons learned in 2015

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Wow I can’t believe that it is the last day of 2015 already, where has this year gone? This year has been full of ups and downs so with that being said I thought I’d write a post about some of the lessons I’ve learned this year.

1. Worrying really doesn’t solve anything. – Anyone who knows me will tell you I’m possibly one of the worst worriers ever, I worry about absolute everything. I can’t 100% promise myself that i’ll stop worrying completely but I have learnt this year that worrying about problems doesn’t make them any better for the future it just causes me stress in the here and now.

2 . People don’t always mean what they say. – I’m a very honest person and I’ve always believed that being honest with people is really important but sadly this year I’ve come to the realisation that not everybody thinks honesty is very important, certain people will look you straight in the eyes and tell you 100 lies if they think it’ll benefit them.

3.  I’m stronger than I think! – I don’t like complimenting myself or giving myself  credit but I’ve learned that I’m a stronger person than I ever thought I was!

4. Happiness is a journey not a destination! – I know this sounds just like a cliche quote but honestly a few years ago I used to spend my life waiting for the day when I found that happy place in my life, I’ve now realised that happiness isn’t about getting to that certain place and being happy. It’s about living, enjoying the little things and finding happiness in each day.

5. Some relationships don’t last forever but that’s ok! – I’m sure at some point we’ve all had relationships/friendships that we thought would last forever and the thought of them ending would devastate us but this year has made me realise that certain people walking out of our lives is not a loss at all, the people who I mean’t to be in our lives will be.

6. Everything happens for a reason! – Everything that happens in our lives happens for a reason either a lesson or a blessing.

7. I can achieve anything in life if I work hard enough! – This year I’ve done and achieved some amazing things that I would’ve at some point thought were impossible.

8. I can’t please everybody! – I’ve spent years of my life trying to be a ‘people pleaser’ and beating myself up if someone didn’t like me, only now at age 25 am I realising that no matter who you are or what you do there will always be someone who doesn’t like you but that doesn’t mean you are any less of a person.

9. Never compare your journey to other peoples. – No two people are the same but we do live in a world where we sadly do compare ourselves to other people and feel bad if we aren’t doing what they are. This year has taught me that just because I’m not working, driving or doing exactly what they are right now doesn’t mean I’m not doing well.

10. You’re never alone! – No matter what you’re going through in life and no matter how much it hurts you’re never alone, there is always someone out there going through something similar. There is always someone who will be there to help you!

11. Don’t worry what others think of you! – There are certain people who will judge you or have something to say about something that you are doing regardless of weather it’s how you dress, how you do your make up or who you’re friends with so just be yourself and do whatever makes you happy!

12. Life is short! – I know everybody always says life is short we should make the most of it but this is so true we never know what’s around the corner and I’d hate to look back on my life and think I wish I would’ve done that or said this!

13. Be thankful for the things you have! – We all want certain things that we don’t have because we can’t afford it etc but this year more than any has made me realise that I might not have amazingly expensive things but I’m truly blessed to have a loving family, friends, food, a home and my health!

14. It’s better to be alone and happy then be unhappy with the wrong people! – Too many people strive to be a relationship so much that they’d stay with someone and be unhappy before they’d ever dream of being single, this year has taught me that being alone and learning to love yourself is much more important than rushing into a relationship.

15. Nobody is perfect! – I’m such a perfectionist when it comes to myself, I always try to do everything perfectly which definitely isn’t realistic. We all have people we look up to or admire e.g celebrities but even the most seemingly perfect people on social media have their problems. Nobody is perfect or has the perfect life it’s about loving and enjoying what you do have!

It’s crazy how much you develop and learn in a year isn’t it? Have you guys learn’t anything new this year? What are you looking forward to in 2016? Leave me your comments 🙂 I just want to take this chance to thank you guys for supporting me & seemenotcp over this last year and I wish you all happiness in 2016! 🙂 x

Happy Christmas Guys!

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It’s Christmas and I couldn’t let my favourite time of year pass without doing a blog post and what better way to do that than by doing The Christmas Tag so here goes –

What’s your favourite Christmas film/films? – This is a really easy one and anyone who knows me will be able to tell you that I love love love this film and it is Miracle on 34th street! This is a real feel good film about a little girl who isn’t sure weather she believes in santa clause any more but when she meets a man who calls himself Kris Kringle all that starts to change, this is a definite much watch guys!

What’s your favourite Christmas colour? You’ll probably be able to tell by the main picture in this post that my favourite Christmas colours are the very traditional red and green.

Do you stay in your pj’s or dress up on Christmas Day? This all depends when I was younger I spent every year just chilling out in my pj’s at home until I got with my ex and we started spending Christmas day in his parents, I did get dressed up and try out new make up today though 🙂

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If you could only buy one person a present this year who would it be? Oo this is such a tough one, I absolutely love buying presents for people but since I have to choose I’m going to cheat a little and say I’d buy for my parents ( Yes I know that’s two people)

Do you open your presents Christmas eve or Christmas Day? I know a lot of people who open one or a couple of presents on Christmas Eve as part of tradition but for me and my family we’ve always opened our presents all together on Christmas morning.

Have you ever built a gingerbread house? Sadly no I’ve never mad a gingerbread house but I’ve seen pictures of some gorgeous Christmassy ones so it’s definitely on my to do list!

What do you like to do on your Christmas break? On my Christmas break I normally just spend time with friends/family either at home chilling out or doing some Christmas shopping.

Do you have any Christmas wishes? My only Christmas wish every year is for my friends to be happy and healthy, I know this sounds cliche but for me that is what Christmas is all about being around loved ones.

What’s your  favourite Christmas scent? One scent that reminds me of Christmas no matter what time of year it is, is cinnamon it’s just one of those smells that always reminds me of Christmas baking. Cinnamon is such a homely and yummy smell!

What’s your favourite Christmas treat or meal? Oo this is such a tough question because anyone who knows me will tell you how much I love food and eating! I’m quite a health fanatic and strict with my diet every other day of the year so when it comes to Christmas I always just eat exactly what I want so I can’t really choose one specific thing but it’s either Yorkshire puddings, stuffing or Lindt chocolate.

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I hope you guys enjoyed this Christmas Tag if any of you have your own Christmas tags or posts then I’d love to see them leave your links in the comments, Hope you all have an amazing Christmas and New year! 🙂

Hip dysplasisa & cortisone injections

 

If you guys have read the blog from the start then you probably will of read my post on hip dysplasia – to surgery or not to surgery, in this post I explained that I’d suffered from hip pain since I was about 15 and that when I was younger they had once offered me hip replacement surgery  but this was something I’d turned down at the time because as a scared 15 year old I felt this was a huge decision to make and I didn’t feel I knew enough about it. After I’d turned down the surgery they didn’t offer me anything else and I was left for years to just deal with it and try to manage my pain.

So I sort of give up on doctors but anyone who knows me will tell you that over the years I’ve googled hip dysplasia more times than I can count and tried every possible ‘at home’ remedy I could think of from heat packs, ice cubes, herbal remedies and even losing dramatic amounts of weight but nothing worked.

My pain just seemed to be getting worse the older I got and it was effecting my daily life more than ever as I was in constant pain, I decided earlier this year after a fall that enough was enough and I needed to get some help for my hip before it got any worse. So in June I went for my first appointment as an adult patient with a hip and knee surgeon, I’d waited almost 5 months for this appointment so I was actually really excited/nervous to see what help or options he would be able to offer me. I didn’t hold out much hope though as in the past I haven’t had very much luck in regards to doctors/specialists but to my surprise my specialist had said that surgery wasn’t something they would be willing do right now as it wouldn’t be just a hip replacement, they would have to rebuild my pelvis and then do a hip replacement apparently this is a really big operation which means the longer I can manage without it the better.

After many xrays/scans and examinations they found that as well as my hip dysplasia I now have secondary arthritis which they think is the main cause of my hip pain, although they didn’t think surgery was my best option right now they did come up with another option of giving me cortisone injections. Cortisone injections were something that I’d heard nothing about until ironically I met a lovely lady while sitting in the waiting room, it was one of them you know where you’re sitting there and a wonderful stranger starts telling you there story? I’d been sitting waiting to be called when this lady just randomly started telling me that she comes to the clinic every 6 – 12 months for Cortisone for arthritis in her hands. She told me she’d had them a few times and found them amazing so as you can imagine when they offered them to me I was over the moon, that was until I remembered how she’d described her clinic visits as ‘the scariest of my life’ she then went on to say that the needle was huge and some of the worst pain she’d ever felt.

Despite the stories of  terrible pain the lovely lady told me I decided the benefits seemed to outweigh the negatives so I decided to give the injections a go. On 18th November the day finally came for my first course of Cortisone and I can definitely say I’ve never felt more excited to go to an appointment even though I was really nervous as I’m really not too good with needles but thankfully my nerves were soon put to rest once the hospital staff ran through everything that would happen and assured me the needle wasn’t huge! As the doctors assured me the needle wasn’t huge and it wasn’t the worst pain I’ve ever felt like certain people had told me it would be obviously it was uncomfortable like you can imagine with any needle but it was over within 25 minutes, they told me that once home I’d probably be in pain for a couple of days as the steroid in the injections can cause slight irritation at first but after that I’d be fine to get back to normal.

Cortisone injections don’t work for everyone so for a couple of weeks after I was really apprehensive and nervous as to weather they would work for me but just over a month after my injections I’m so pleased to be able to say it has worked wonders for me and my pain has dramatically decreased, the effects of cortisone can last for up to 7 months so hopefully they’ll last that long for me and I’ll be pain free for many more months to come!

Have any of you guys had Cortisone? If so How did it work for you? please let me know in the comments below guys.

I’m back :)

 

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This week is the first time in what feels like forever that I’ve been on wordpress and the first time since August that I’ve written a blog post which is absolute madness! firstly I want to say sorry for not being around, I’ve missed you guys but also thank you all for still continuing to support my blog even when I’m not blogging as regularly as I would like.

As much as I know you guys are brilliant and won’t expect me to explain myself part of me still feels I should at least try to explain why I haven’t been around for so long, So here goes if you remember in my last post I explained that I’d just recently stopped taking my anti depressants and was finding it a lot more of a struggle than I thought it would be.

Well since my last post in August I’ve still not taken any medication which for me is a massive achievement and something that I’m really proud of, if someone would of told me a few years ago that now I’d be still here, feeling strong and without medication then I probably would’ve laughed at them. I won’t lie and say that every day since August has been all happy because it definitely hasn’t and I’ve had plenty of ups and downs both physically and emotionally which is why I haven’t been around.

When I first started Seemenotcp I promised not only myself but you guys that I would only blog when I felt my content was worth posting and when I felt happy and positive about what I was posting, while I was having a rough time I decided that blogging had to take a back seat and getting myself happy, healthy and things back on track was more important. So off I went and during that time I’ve still had bad days but I’ve also had some really positive and exciting opportunities come my way! (I’ll explain more in another post) the more time that passes the more I realise that I am stronger than I think which is a great feeling!

I’m so happy to be back with my blogging family and hope you guys are all well! x

It’s been such a hard three months..

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If you guys have read previous posts or followed my journey from the beginning then you’ll know I’ve been on anti depressants for quite a big part of my life with not much effect. So at the end of April beginning of May and after a really settled few months, I made a huge but also very stupid decision to just stop my medication and try to manage my depression alone. So this post will just be a quick update post to let you guys know how I’ve been finding these last few months.

You’ll know if you read my first post after a week off my Sertraline, that this was one of the hardest and most painful weeks of my life both mentally and physically, I was ill, anxious, upset, tired, restless and everything in between, if I’m honest there were so many times in that first week that I thought of taking my own life, I couldn’t believe that I had been on these tablets for years and they seemed to have no effect so how could coming off them be having such a massive effect on me? I was so genuinely scared that I would never feel ‘normal’ again and I won’t lie it wasn’t just the first week that was awful, it actually took me nearly two months to start feeling somewhat human and healthy.

Almost 3 months on and am I 100% back to feeling ‘normal’? No I’m not but it’s funny really because I always try to be such a positive person and in my head I had this amazing vision that I’d come off my medication, it’d be really easy and I’d be happier than I’ve ever been.The truth is though early August will mark 3 months of no anti depressants and I’m not in that amazing place, it’s probably been one the lowest and hardest times of my life with so many mood swings it’s unreal, I still have days when I ask myself if going back to my medication would make it all go back to how it was, you know that numb, surreal feeling you have on anti depressants? Now though as I’ve been writing this post and thinking back to my life with medication  and my life without it I’ve started too realise that although I’ve struggled and it’s hit me hard, that coming off my medication was a change for the better and sticking it out will only be for the best!

So guys just to end this post I want to apologise if this was a little bit of a negative post but I always promised I’d just be honest no matter what, have you guys recently come off or are thinking about coming off your medication? let me know I’d like to share experiences and thoughts with you all.

My views on ‘Don’t take my baby’!

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So yesterday 20th July BBC THREE aired a brand new drama programme called ‘Don’t take my baby’ which is about a young disabled couple Anna who is a a wheelchair user and Tom her partner who is partially sighted as they struggle too keep their new born baby as they try to prove to social services that despite there disabilities they can take care of there child’s every need, this drama was based on a real life situation and is part of 15 other programmes on BBC THREE as part of their defying the label season that will look at life as a young disabled person.

As many of you will know there have been quite a few programmes in the past about people with disabilities and disability throughout the last few years, that force society to rethink the way they view disabled people and I love that, the more people get to see that people with disabilities live the same lives as everybody else the better. This programme though more than any others I’ve seen really got to me and left me wondering about my future within today’s society as a young disabled woman. We live in a society that sadly at times judges everybody for everything but I’ve genuinely never even realised that one day I may be judged on my ability as a parent solely because of my disability. I know that to a lot of you that probably sounds incredibly naive but as my disability is one of the least important factors of who I am, I can honestly say I’ve never thought that one day my future as a mother will be judged by someone who doesn’t know me as a person but instead just knows me as a new parent with a disability.

I can completely understand that social services have a job to do and that any child’s safety should be the most important thing but watching that poor couple who obviously loved there child dearly being watched and questioned daily absolutely broke my heart, when there are people out there with no disability at all who don’t look after or mistreat their children. One of the biggest shocks for me watching last nights programme was that it is thought that approximately  3000 children are removed from disabled couples in the UK which is fair enough if every other possible avenue has been exhausted and the child is genuinely at risk but I believe that a lot more should be done to help disabled parents be the most amazing and loving parents they can be, I’m not a parent yet but I know that I will love my child/children just as much as any other parent and my disability will not alter that at all!

So all in all after spending hours crying and feeling angry I believe that BBC Three did an amazing job by raising awareness of such an important and sensitive subject in such an incredible way, the show was so well written both Ruth Madeley (Anna)  and Adam Long (Tom) the main roles are both very talented actors.

Did you guys watch ‘Don’t take my baby?’ If so what did you think? I’d love to hear you thoughts & if you didn’t I’d definitely recommend you give it a watch on BBC iplayer.

Motivational Monday – Live in the moment!

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We live in such a fast paced world it’s no surprise that we all seem to be constantly busy with one thing or another,  so many deadlines, meetings to attend or chores to get done that all mean it’s so easy to get caught up in what we need to next week,  next month or even next year that we forget about what is happening in the here and now.

I’ll have to admit though as I’m writing this post I’m realising that I’m actually one of the worst people ever for doing this. I get so caught up in fretting over the past or worrying about what the future has in store for me, that I forget with each moment spent with pointless, irrational worries I am losing precious moments in life that are happening right now.

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It’s funny though because the older I get the more I realise that tomorrow isn’t promised, so what am I really worrying about? Surely if tomorrow never came the mistakes I’ve made in the past or what i’ll be doing in 10 years would not even be entering my head. The things/people that are making me smile or laugh right now would be the memories I’d want to grab hold of. I’m not at all saying that we should all go off now and never have another worry about the past or even our futures but I know that from now on, I will make more of an effort to stop, look, listen and take in all the beautiful things that are happening right here in front of me!

Please guys cherish the precious moments and live right here in the NOW!

Motivational Monday – Never be ashamed of your story!

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Every single one of us has a story, a past and have been through tough times at one time or another. Everyone has a different story to share in life weather it be of their achievements or their struggles, some find that story easier to share than others.

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I’ve always been a closed book, I very rarely share how I feel, I’ve never been one to discuss my past and I don’t big up my achievements! It’s funny because I’ve always looked at other people around me who have been through tough times and thought ‘ Wow you’re an inspiration, you should share your story’ but then looked at myself and been somewhat ashamed of myself, my past, my depression and even my disability at certain times in my life.

Earlier this month though I stumbled across this quote and was shocked when I thought back too how closed off and ashamed of my story I used to be, it’s only been since starting this blog last year and having such an amazing response that I’ve realised the girl I used to hide away and be ashamed of, is the same girl that is writing these blogs on a weekly basis and the same girl who is not only no longer hiding but is now proud too share her story.

This past year and this blog has definitely made me realise that no matter who you are or what you have been through, that you should never be ashamed of your past because not only does it make you stronger and help mould you into who you are now but it also helps and inspires others out there, who for whatever reason may be fighting the same struggles alone. So the next time you think back onto your past or your struggles please don’t ever be ashamed, look back and smile because you can use them experiences to help others out there and yourself build a positive future!

I did it! – Race for life 2015! <3

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As you will know from my previous post a couple of weeks ago, I signed up to do Race For Life again this year on Sunday 21st June. So I thought I’d just do a quick post to update you all on how it went.

The race came around so much quicker than we had expected but me and Sarah were so excited as it’s always such a fun and emotional day. I spent Sunday morning getting ready and just taking it easy before the race then headed to Aintree race course too meet Sarah at 2pm for the big warm. When we arrived as always the atmosphere was amazing, seeing everyone united for such an amazing cause is always such a special feeling!

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As you will know from the previous post I had planned to complete this years race in my chair but in the days leading up to my leg hadn’t been bad so I said I would try my best to at least walk some of the 5K. So I still took my chair with me and headed to the start line under the strict instruction to use my chair if I felt tired but anyone who knows me will tell you that I’m very stubborn and don’t particularly like using my chair unless I’m desperate need. So I ended up walking the whole 5K with just a couple of ‘sit downs’, obviously it took me longer than last years because I was in quite a bit of pain near the end but I was beyond proud that I still managed to complete it all without using my chair. We completed the race in 1 hour 36 minutes and I raised an amazing £190, I can’t think everyone enough for their incredible support and hope that one together we will find a cure for al cancers!

Motivational Monday – Over thinking is never useful!

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I don’t know about you guys but I’m probably the worst person ever for over thinking and over analysing situations, don’t get me wrong I actually love being a deep thinker but I think there is a huge difference between being a thinker who thinks about the positives or being someone like me who is a huge stress head who over thinks everything.

So like I said I’ve always been a thinker and that’s something I wouldn’t change, making positive plans for your future fills you with happiness and excitement for the life you’re living. Whereas over thinking seems to happen at the most frustrating of times you know the ones, you get into bed looking forward to settling down and boom your mind starts ticking away with a load of what if’s, maybe’s and if only’s. that are pointless at that inappropriate hour of the night but are also pretty pointless to your life in general, I mean how is worrying or over analysing a situations that happened 6 months ago at 2 am on a Sunday morning any use?

So like I said over thinking has never brought me any useful outcomes in fact my brain over thinking seems to do nothing other than creating problems or scenarios that either aren’t as bad as they seem or might not even exist if my brain stopped playing games and just relaxed. I saw an amazing quote this week that summed this post and me up perfectly!

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So although we are al guilty of it the next time your brain goes into over drive ask yourself ‘Is this really going to help’ chance is the answer will be no so take some deep breathes and calm down. There will always be certain problems or situations in life that no matter we dwell or think about them, we won’t be able to change the outcome so just breathe, relax and trust the path life has chosen for you!