Motivational Monday -Let your confidence grow!

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If you guys follow me on my social media platforms then you’ll know that last week and in fact this year so far has been the best of my life, I’ve not only learned so much about myself but also a lot about other people and the world around me. I’ve been incredibly blessed to have had so many amazing opportunities already in 2016, that are getting me ever so closer to my dreams of making a difference in this world.

One thing that has shone through since this whole experience started and has been lovely to hear from a personal point of view, is the huge amount of people saying how confident I am.Now for me and my family that is such a crazy thing to hear because anybody who knows me well, will tell you how confidence is something I’ve struggled with my whole life. Confidence or lack of it played a massive part in my life growing up from school to my home life, my lack of confidence influenced it all. I was always convinced that confidence must be something you’re either born with or you aren’t. My parents always used to say ‘Just keep believing and it’ll improve’ but it always seemed like no matter how much I tried to ‘act’ confident I’d end up being a nervous wreck and have to leave whatever I was doing, it honestly became so bad and really began to affect my social life, at one point I just didn’t leave the house for weeks at a time for fear of someone talking too me.

Over time though my confidence has definitely improved so much so in fact that this week I did a live interview on my local ITV News, talking about my Fixers film. If someone would’ve said to my 15 year old self that I’d be giving an interview on Tv then I would’ve never believed them but I’ve been trying hard lately to step out of my comfort zone and do more things that scare me, in order to increase my confidence. I found a quote today that I think summed up confidence perfectly ‘Confidence is like a muscle : The more you use it, The stronger it gets!’

That’s why I’m writing this post for all the people out there who like me do or have struggled with confidence, I know at times it feels like it won’t improve but I want to give you all hope and let you know that none of us are born with bags of confidence I’m sure even big stars like Beyonce have or still do suffer with confidence issues but one thing I’ve honestly learned is that it can and will get better. Just keep trying, keep stepping out of your comfort zone, pushing yourself and you’ll soon see a confidence shine through in you that you never thought possible..YOU are capable of amazing things, just believe in yourself! ❤

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Motivational Monday – Don’t miss out because of fear!

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You guys should know me well enough by now to know that I’m probably with no exaggeration the worst worrier known to man, seriously I worry/over think every possible situation weather it be something small and superficial like weather my make up will go well for a night out or bigger life events e.g where I’ll be in five years from now.

I can always remember at school I was forever getting myself in a state because I’d say yes to a trip, a presentation or some sort of speech and then end up spending night after sleepless night talking myself out of it and saying no at the very last minute. Teachers and people at school used to get so mad at me because at times it came across like I was just being a let down or trying to be difficult when really it was all just down to me being so nervous and worried that I’d mess up.

I always hate feeling like I’ve let myself and others down so this was like a vicious circle for me, on one hand I couldn’t go through with things as I’d make myself sick with worry but on the other hand missing out on valuable experiences while letting others down made me just as sick. One experience that always still to this day sticks in my head is when I was about 16 I got offered the opportunity to go to Canada for two weeks to represent my school in a schools council forum, I know it sounds crazy who else would turn down the chance to go to Canada with everything paid for right? but at time the time I hated being away from home and I’d told myself I wasn’t good enough to go.

I’d love to say that as I got older and left school it got better but sadly it never, I’ve lost count of the amount of amazing experiences and things that could’ve furthered my dreams I’ve said no to or missed out on all because I was too scared to pursue them. It’s only in the last year though that I’m honestly beginning to realise that if I keep letting fear and anxiety control me then I might miss out on some of the most amazing days and times of my life, I’d absolutely love to travel more and I kick myself everyday that I didn’t take the chance to visit Canada which is the main reason I’m writing this post.I don’t want you guys too look back on your life at missed opportunities with regret because yes life can be scary and we all have fears but we should never let them fears control our lives and how amazing they can be! so from now on I’m going to go out there (even if I am filled with anxiety) and grab life with both hands and you guys should too because life is for living! ❤

Hip dysplasia – Big Decisions!

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As I’ve mentioned in previous posts I’ve struggled with pain and hip dysplasia since I was about 14/15 with little to no relief from painkillers, it wasn’t until early last year after a fall that I decided enough was enough. I went to my doctors who sent me for an x -ray as they were concerned that I’d do myself more of an injury due to the fall, thankfully I hadn’t done any further damage but they did find that my hip dysplasia had gotten worse as the bone had worn down more over the years.

After my initial x ray I was given an appointment to see a hip specialist which I was very nervous/apprehensive about, from this appointment I was then offered Cortisone steroid injections which you’ll know from previous posts worked absolute wonders for about 4/6 weeks. I was absolutely gutted that the injections hadn’t worked for a longer period and I was now back to square one but I was hopeful that at my next appointment they may be able to offer me something more long lasting.

Today 3rd February was the day of my follow up appointment and all that comes to mind is wow!! firstly I’ll start by explaining that just over 4 months ago when I last saw my specialist, I was told that surgery wouldn’t be an option they were even prepared to discuss for many years too come due to how much would be needed to rebuild my pelvis/hip. As much as I hate being in pain it was a relief to be told that surgery was such a long way off because as with many people I hate hospitals and even the thought of another surgery brings me out in major panic. So if I’m honest today’s appointment wasn’t something I’d been too worried over as I’d sort of convinced myself I’d just be offered some other forms of pain relief.

I couldn’t of been more wrong about the outcome of today, after waiting to be seen I was told by a nurse that my specialist wanted to know did I want a hip replacement, I was just like ‘wow what?’ It was such shock after not expecting surgery to suddenly be told that surgery was now my only option. If being told that having surgery was my only option wasn’t bad enough it then got worse when they proceeded to tell me that unlike most hip replacements due to my disability and the condition that my hip/pelvis is in that it’ll be a much more complex operation than usual, with a seemingly never ending list of possible complications.

Looking back now the whole appointment seems like a blur and I’ve got 101 worries running through my head and about a million more questions than I even got chance to ask during my short time with the specialist. They’ve given me an eight week period to think about it and then get my name on the waiting list but from what I’ve read in the booklets they gave me, I don’t think I’ll be getting the operation due to the high risks of certain things that could go wrong. I feel so frustrated and sad that after all these years it’s boiled down to either risk things being worse or spend my life learning to live with the pain.

Have any of you guys ever had a hip replacement or been offered one? If not how do you manage your pain? Any suggestions or advice would be amazing!

 

 

 

 

Cortisone injections – Update.

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In December you’ll of seen I posted about my experience with hip dyslasia and how after years of hospital appointments and pain, I’d just recently had my first course of Cortisone injections on 18th November 2015. After the procedure I had quite a bit of pain/discomfort which the hospital had warned me about but within about a week the constant pain I’d grown so used to had completely gone. I honestly can’t put into words how good that felt, you’re body gets so used to feeling pain that you completely forget what it’s like to wake up pain free.

Three weeks seemed to fly by and I genuinely felt like I’d be given a brand new leg, I thought I’d finally found something that truly worked and as time passed I was overjoyed to finally be able to get back into a regular routine at the gym, I could see friends again I know it probably sounds crazy that it’d stopped me seeing friends but being in daily pain really had started to take it’s toll on every aspect of my life.

So everything was going great until about a week before Christmas when I first began to notice the clicking again when moving my hip, I didn’t think much of it and just assumed it was because of the increase in cold weather but with the more time that passed I noticed the niggling pain start to come back when walking. I was absolutely gutted at the thought of being back in pain as the last few weeks had been so nice and I finally felt like I had some control over my daily activities again.

We’re almost at the end of January and sadly my pain with my left hip has well and truly reared it’s ugly head again, it’s horrible to back to square one again after a lovely few pain free weeks but thankfully I will be seeing my specialist again in February and I’ve got everything crossed that he’ll be able to offer me something that’s more long lasting.

Have any of you guys ever tried Cortisone and did they work for you? If not how did you deal with the pain?

 

Motivational Monday – Dreams can come true!

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Well firstly happy Monday guys and I hope you’re all having a fabulous January! How fast is this first month of 2016 going? The quote that today’s Motivational Monday post is based on is one I’ve seen a million and one times and also a famous Disney quote and who doesn’t love a bit of Disney? I’ve always loved this quote but with everything that’s happened this week, I feel like my dreams a getting ever so closer so I thought not why not use this beautiful quote while inspiring you guys to believe that your dreams can become a reality too!

Everyone has someone they look up too and admire weather that be a celebrity, a family member, an artist or even a friend. We fail to remember sometimes though that these really inspirational or famous people that we look up to so much, were once just sat at home one day just like you  dreaming/thinking about everything they now have. This quote ‘If you can dream it, you can do it! Always remember that this whole thing was started with a dream and a mouse‘ is a prime example written by one of the most well known people in the world who once had nothing but a dream, Mr Walt Disney!

I don’t think i’ve ever know anyone who doesn’t know all about Walt Disney and how successful it is around the world but once Walter was just like you, sitting at home just like you are now with all his dreams of writing/making cartoons spinning around in his head, hoping one day to make a name for himself. So who says you can’t be the next Walt Disney? Ok so maybe you don’t want to write cartoons but who says you can’t be a writer, an actress, a teacher or a model?

The truth is that no matter who you are, nothing and nobody can stop you from working hard and achieving every single dream. YOU can achieve and become everything you ever thought possible! So the next time you’re sat there daydreaming just remember it is possible because if YOU can dream it, YOU can do it!

 

Trying to change perceptions – My fixers project.

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Everybody who knows me will tell you how passionate and determined I am about changing people’s perceptions of disability, that is a huge part of the reason I started this blog, I’ve come across so many people who seem to have such a preconceived idea of what a person with a disability is like or how they live there lives. So with that being said  I’m always trying to think of new ways to challenge how people treat and act around someone with a disability,  in July 2015 I was just looking around online when I stumbled across the Fixers UK website. If you haven’t heard of Fixers they’re an organisation that helps young people age 16 – 25  campaign around an issue they’re passionate about using a number of different ways e.g short film, poster, campaign or an event/workshop. After looking through the website and seeing some of the campaigns other young people had made, I decided to give it a go and sent an email expressing my interest in becoming a Fixer. You can find out more about Fixers and also view my Fixers profile here.

I’ve contacted numerous charities/organisations and heard nothing back so I was pleasantly surprised when I received an email from Fixers saying they would like to arrange an initial meet up with one of their team to discuss my ideas. On August 7th 2015 I had my first initial meeting with a Fixers Co ordinator (Mariam) which was great, I spent about an hour speaking to Mariam about my life with a disability, the times I’ve faced discrimination  and why I wanted to make a change.  It was lovely to speak to someone who truly listened and really wanted to help me make positive changes, I remember going home after that meeting and feeling happier and more determined to make positive changes than ever! Me and Mariam  emailed back and forth about my ideas until my project was assigned to a producer who could help me develop my ideas into a resource.

On 2nd October 2015 the day had finally arrived for me to meet again with Mariam and also a Fixers producer (Abi) to discuss  all my ideas and get the ball rolling on producing a resource. The meeting was amazing yet again I’d never met Abi before so I spent time with her discussing my disability and why making a change was so important, we then chatted about what kind of resource I wanted to make. After reading through and discussing my blog we decided that making my blog post ‘The do’s and don’t of disability’ into a short film would be a great way of getting my point out there and hopefully help non disabled people end any awkwardness they might have around someone with a disability. Anybody who has ever met with me will tell you that I use humour quite a lot in my approach to my disability so I decided that using humour in my film was best suited to my personalty and everybody loves a bit of humour right? Abi wrote down all my ramblings/ideas to take away with her and put together into some sort of script for my film.

After about 2/3 weeks I received the script for the film from Abi and absolutely loved it! It was everything I’d wanted it pointed out some of the experience using humour but while still getting an important message across. I emailed Abi/Mariam telling them how happy I was with the script and we arranged a day for filming. I was beyond excited at everything that was happening, I never would of thought a few years ago that I would ever be happy and confident enough in my own skin to be making a short film.

On 6th November the day had finally arrived for us to film and to say I was excited would be an absolute understatement! We were due to film a few scenes outside around Liverpool city centre but English weather meant that we had to film inside at Liverpool University. I was so nervous about being in front of the camera at first but after a few minutes my nerves went and I just couldn’t wait to film more scenes. I won’t say to much about the scenes as you can see the film for yourself below, filming was everything I’d wished it with be it was such a lovely day filled with laughter, jokes and amazing people!

I hope you all enjoyed the film and if you did can you please share it so we can get it out there! It’s so crazy for me to think back and look at how much things have changed for me, I feel so blessed to have experienced the things that I have within 2015. I want to take this chance to thank every single person who has helped me during this experience, you’ve all helped me so much and this amazing opportunity for me to get my voice heard would not of been possible without any of you! ❤

 

 

Sticking to new years resoluntions – My top tips!

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A new year means one thing to a lot of us right? New starts which in turn means we set New years resolutions weather that be lose weight, quit smoking, eat healthier or start the gym, we all have things we want to change in the forthcoming year but sadly if you’re anything like me then you don’t always stick to them past January! So with that being said I thought i’d give you a helping hand and offer you my top tips for sticking to your 2016 resolutions.

1. Be realistic – It’s great that we have such a passion to make changes or achieve things but I’ve seen people aiming to lose a stone in the first two weeks of Jan etc.  I’m not saying that having drive to want to lose weight isn’t great but honestly loosing that much weight in two weeks wouldn’t be realistic or healthy. So when you’re thinking about your chosen goals make sure they’re realistic to you and your lifestyle, that way you can achieve them without feeling like you’ve failed or let yourself down.

2. Don’t set yourself too many resolutions – One of the biggest mistakes that people seem to make when setting new years resolutions is that they set themselves too many,  this means that instead of leaving yourself motivated you just end up leaving yourself overwhelmed and stressed. If you set yourself just one or two resolutions then you will be able to focus and put all your energies into the changes you want to make.

3. Find someone to share them with – Two minds are better than one right? Finding someone to share your resolutions with is a great idea, that way if either of you are struggling then you can keep each other motivated, offer advice, be a shoulder to cry on when things aren’t going so good or someone to celebrate with when you smash your targets!

4. Don’t be so hard on yourself – None of us are perfect so when we set our New Years resolutions always remember that it’s fine to have set backs. There are no set rules for how you should deal with your resolutions so just because you might have a slight slip up in January, it doesn’t mean you have failed or let yourself down . Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and remember that you can achieve anything you set your mind too!

5. Visualise your end result – We all know that sticking to something at the beginning when you don’t see any results can be tough so whenever you start to feel unmotivated or like you want to give up, always remember why you started and visualise your end result. So if your aim is to lose weight then you should visualise how you’ll look and feel when you’ve reached your target weight.

So guys these are my top 5 tips for sticking to your New Year’s resolutions, hopefully you’ll find them helpful and I hope that 2016 brings you all every happiness and you achieve every goal you set your minds too!

Happy Christmas Guys!

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It’s Christmas and I couldn’t let my favourite time of year pass without doing a blog post and what better way to do that than by doing The Christmas Tag so here goes –

What’s your favourite Christmas film/films? – This is a really easy one and anyone who knows me will be able to tell you that I love love love this film and it is Miracle on 34th street! This is a real feel good film about a little girl who isn’t sure weather she believes in santa clause any more but when she meets a man who calls himself Kris Kringle all that starts to change, this is a definite much watch guys!

What’s your favourite Christmas colour? You’ll probably be able to tell by the main picture in this post that my favourite Christmas colours are the very traditional red and green.

Do you stay in your pj’s or dress up on Christmas Day? This all depends when I was younger I spent every year just chilling out in my pj’s at home until I got with my ex and we started spending Christmas day in his parents, I did get dressed up and try out new make up today though 🙂

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If you could only buy one person a present this year who would it be? Oo this is such a tough one, I absolutely love buying presents for people but since I have to choose I’m going to cheat a little and say I’d buy for my parents ( Yes I know that’s two people)

Do you open your presents Christmas eve or Christmas Day? I know a lot of people who open one or a couple of presents on Christmas Eve as part of tradition but for me and my family we’ve always opened our presents all together on Christmas morning.

Have you ever built a gingerbread house? Sadly no I’ve never mad a gingerbread house but I’ve seen pictures of some gorgeous Christmassy ones so it’s definitely on my to do list!

What do you like to do on your Christmas break? On my Christmas break I normally just spend time with friends/family either at home chilling out or doing some Christmas shopping.

Do you have any Christmas wishes? My only Christmas wish every year is for my friends to be happy and healthy, I know this sounds cliche but for me that is what Christmas is all about being around loved ones.

What’s your  favourite Christmas scent? One scent that reminds me of Christmas no matter what time of year it is, is cinnamon it’s just one of those smells that always reminds me of Christmas baking. Cinnamon is such a homely and yummy smell!

What’s your favourite Christmas treat or meal? Oo this is such a tough question because anyone who knows me will tell you how much I love food and eating! I’m quite a health fanatic and strict with my diet every other day of the year so when it comes to Christmas I always just eat exactly what I want so I can’t really choose one specific thing but it’s either Yorkshire puddings, stuffing or Lindt chocolate.

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I hope you guys enjoyed this Christmas Tag if any of you have your own Christmas tags or posts then I’d love to see them leave your links in the comments, Hope you all have an amazing Christmas and New year! 🙂

I’m back :)

 

missed you guys!

This week is the first time in what feels like forever that I’ve been on wordpress and the first time since August that I’ve written a blog post which is absolute madness! firstly I want to say sorry for not being around, I’ve missed you guys but also thank you all for still continuing to support my blog even when I’m not blogging as regularly as I would like.

As much as I know you guys are brilliant and won’t expect me to explain myself part of me still feels I should at least try to explain why I haven’t been around for so long, So here goes if you remember in my last post I explained that I’d just recently stopped taking my anti depressants and was finding it a lot more of a struggle than I thought it would be.

Well since my last post in August I’ve still not taken any medication which for me is a massive achievement and something that I’m really proud of, if someone would of told me a few years ago that now I’d be still here, feeling strong and without medication then I probably would’ve laughed at them. I won’t lie and say that every day since August has been all happy because it definitely hasn’t and I’ve had plenty of ups and downs both physically and emotionally which is why I haven’t been around.

When I first started Seemenotcp I promised not only myself but you guys that I would only blog when I felt my content was worth posting and when I felt happy and positive about what I was posting, while I was having a rough time I decided that blogging had to take a back seat and getting myself happy, healthy and things back on track was more important. So off I went and during that time I’ve still had bad days but I’ve also had some really positive and exciting opportunities come my way! (I’ll explain more in another post) the more time that passes the more I realise that I am stronger than I think which is a great feeling!

I’m so happy to be back with my blogging family and hope you guys are all well! x

My views on ‘Don’t take my baby’!

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So yesterday 20th July BBC THREE aired a brand new drama programme called ‘Don’t take my baby’ which is about a young disabled couple Anna who is a a wheelchair user and Tom her partner who is partially sighted as they struggle too keep their new born baby as they try to prove to social services that despite there disabilities they can take care of there child’s every need, this drama was based on a real life situation and is part of 15 other programmes on BBC THREE as part of their defying the label season that will look at life as a young disabled person.

As many of you will know there have been quite a few programmes in the past about people with disabilities and disability throughout the last few years, that force society to rethink the way they view disabled people and I love that, the more people get to see that people with disabilities live the same lives as everybody else the better. This programme though more than any others I’ve seen really got to me and left me wondering about my future within today’s society as a young disabled woman. We live in a society that sadly at times judges everybody for everything but I’ve genuinely never even realised that one day I may be judged on my ability as a parent solely because of my disability. I know that to a lot of you that probably sounds incredibly naive but as my disability is one of the least important factors of who I am, I can honestly say I’ve never thought that one day my future as a mother will be judged by someone who doesn’t know me as a person but instead just knows me as a new parent with a disability.

I can completely understand that social services have a job to do and that any child’s safety should be the most important thing but watching that poor couple who obviously loved there child dearly being watched and questioned daily absolutely broke my heart, when there are people out there with no disability at all who don’t look after or mistreat their children. One of the biggest shocks for me watching last nights programme was that it is thought that approximately  3000 children are removed from disabled couples in the UK which is fair enough if every other possible avenue has been exhausted and the child is genuinely at risk but I believe that a lot more should be done to help disabled parents be the most amazing and loving parents they can be, I’m not a parent yet but I know that I will love my child/children just as much as any other parent and my disability will not alter that at all!

So all in all after spending hours crying and feeling angry I believe that BBC Three did an amazing job by raising awareness of such an important and sensitive subject in such an incredible way, the show was so well written both Ruth Madeley (Anna)  and Adam Long (Tom) the main roles are both very talented actors.

Did you guys watch ‘Don’t take my baby?’ If so what did you think? I’d love to hear you thoughts & if you didn’t I’d definitely recommend you give it a watch on BBC iplayer.