If you guys have read previous posts or followed my journey from the beginning then you’ll know I’ve been on anti depressants for quite a big part of my life with not much effect. So at the end of April beginning of May and after a really settled few months, I made a huge but also very stupid decision to just stop my medication and try to manage my depression alone. So this post will just be a quick update post to let you guys know how I’ve been finding these last few months.
You’ll know if you read my first post after a week off my Sertraline, that this was one of the hardest and most painful weeks of my life both mentally and physically, I was ill, anxious, upset, tired, restless and everything in between, if I’m honest there were so many times in that first week that I thought of taking my own life, I couldn’t believe that I had been on these tablets for years and they seemed to have no effect so how could coming off them be having such a massive effect on me? I was so genuinely scared that I would never feel ‘normal’ again and I won’t lie it wasn’t just the first week that was awful, it actually took me nearly two months to start feeling somewhat human and healthy.
Almost 3 months on and am I 100% back to feeling ‘normal’? No I’m not but it’s funny really because I always try to be such a positive person and in my head I had this amazing vision that I’d come off my medication, it’d be really easy and I’d be happier than I’ve ever been.The truth is though early August will mark 3 months of no anti depressants and I’m not in that amazing place, it’s probably been one the lowest and hardest times of my life with so many mood swings it’s unreal, I still have days when I ask myself if going back to my medication would make it all go back to how it was, you know that numb, surreal feeling you have on anti depressants? Now though as I’ve been writing this post and thinking back to my life with medication and my life without it I’ve started too realise that although I’ve struggled and it’s hit me hard, that coming off my medication was a change for the better and sticking it out will only be for the best!
So guys just to end this post I want to apologise if this was a little bit of a negative post but I always promised I’d just be honest no matter what, have you guys recently come off or are thinking about coming off your medication? let me know I’d like to share experiences and thoughts with you all.