It’s been such a hard three months..

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If you guys have read previous posts or followed my journey from the beginning then you’ll know I’ve been on anti depressants for quite a big part of my life with not much effect. So at the end of April beginning of May and after a really settled few months, I made a huge but also very stupid decision to just stop my medication and try to manage my depression alone. So this post will just be a quick update post to let you guys know how I’ve been finding these last few months.

You’ll know if you read my first post after a week off my Sertraline, that this was one of the hardest and most painful weeks of my life both mentally and physically, I was ill, anxious, upset, tired, restless and everything in between, if I’m honest there were so many times in that first week that I thought of taking my own life, I couldn’t believe that I had been on these tablets for years and they seemed to have no effect so how could coming off them be having such a massive effect on me? I was so genuinely scared that I would never feel ‘normal’ again and I won’t lie it wasn’t just the first week that was awful, it actually took me nearly two months to start feeling somewhat human and healthy.

Almost 3 months on and am I 100% back to feeling ‘normal’? No I’m not but it’s funny really because I always try to be such a positive person and in my head I had this amazing vision that I’d come off my medication, it’d be really easy and I’d be happier than I’ve ever been.The truth is though early August will mark 3 months of no anti depressants and I’m not in that amazing place, it’s probably been one the lowest and hardest times of my life with so many mood swings it’s unreal, I still have days when I ask myself if going back to my medication would make it all go back to how it was, you know that numb, surreal feeling you have on anti depressants? Now though as I’ve been writing this post and thinking back to my life with medication  and my life without it I’ve started too realise that although I’ve struggled and it’s hit me hard, that coming off my medication was a change for the better and sticking it out will only be for the best!

So guys just to end this post I want to apologise if this was a little bit of a negative post but I always promised I’d just be honest no matter what, have you guys recently come off or are thinking about coming off your medication? let me know I’d like to share experiences and thoughts with you all.

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12 thoughts on “It’s been such a hard three months..

  1. I really appreciate how candid you are being in this post and you never have to worry if you aren’t being positive enough on here because your blog is always (a should be) an extension of your self. I’ve felt emotions similar – ok exactly – to what you have described and it can be incredibly awful but I’m a big believer nowadays in ‘At least I’m actually feeling something’. Hopefully you will start to get more up’s than down’s and it will even out more for you xx

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  2. Aw hey there. Your blog is yours and whatever direction you take it in and whatever theme your posts are, we’ll stick with it. I’m so sorry you’ve been feeling down *hugs*

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  3. Going off your medication was a HUGELY brave thing to do, Chelle! As someone who’s struggled with anxiety and depression before, I know how dark and scary life can get and I applaud you for leaving your medication behind despite the darkness. As time goes on, you’ll continually find ways to cope with your depression and even if it’s not always easy, it will certainly be rewarding. Keep on keeping on, Chelle. You’re amazing!

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  4. I don’t think you’re being negative…I think you’re being real with us. Everyone has hard times in their lives and whoever says that they don’t honestly lie and can’t admit it to even themselves. So thank you for being real!

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  5. Never apologise for writing anything you feel you need or want to write. This is your blog and I appreciate how open you are and I know myself how much it can help. I recently tried to come off my antidepressants too (though I’ve been on them just over 6 months so that’s not exactly comparable to you) and I didn’t think it would be a bit deal. Last time I came off them with no problems and I had felt they were making much more of an impact. This time I felt like they weren’t working so I thought it would be even easier to come off. I was wrong! I ended up even worse than had been before I went on them. It’s crazy how they effect you but kind of brings home why you would want to be off them too. I went back on mine but only so I could come off them more gradually so it’s not a shock to my system. Anyway, I think it’s such a brave thing you’re doing and I hope things get better for you. If you ever need someone to talk to you know where I am.

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    • Yeah you are so right the horrible side effects really do make you realise why you want to be off them, I hope that coming off them gradually means you’ll have less side effects & thank you so much for your kind comment hunni! xx

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  6. Your honesty is best,you will feel down before you feel up but that is sort of life,on anti depressants or not so stick to it.
    It will get better and you will learn to handle what life throws at you by yourself.
    When I came off mine I felt great for 2 days then got very anxious and anger like I’ve never seen before so went back on them,but I got so upset with myself for doing that I decided to wean myself off them,that was year ago and I now don’t let things get to me as much as I use to.if I fail at something now I just tell myself I will do better next time,if I don’t like the way things are turning out for me I change it.I’ve now realized its my life my decisions it’s up to me how my life is. Hope you feel you again soon. Life is to short x

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